Why We Need Mentors

Of course, this is a no-brainer for people who embrace the idea of mentorship, but some take on the credo, "I'm self-made ... I did it all myself ... I did it my way." You do ultimately do it "your way," but unless you have had some help along the way from people who cared about you and believed in you, I'm guessing that "your way" is less than what it could be.

Our earliest mentors are our parents and grandparents. They model behavior and we are taught vital social cues and norms (or not) through them as we grow to become adults. As we go forward, many of us are mentored by teachers, by coaches, by scout leaders and Sunday school teachers. There may be a misconception, however, that the mentoring process stops when we become adults. It doesn't. In fact, adult mentorship is often the most vital to our professional, spiritual and social lives as it comes at a point where we can embrace it on all levels and when we are sophisticated enough to understand it for what it is.

My mentors in some areas of my life would not be my mentors in others, but I don't fault them for it. I thank them that they went before me and thought enough of me to believe in me and to help me believe more in myself. They are truly incredible people with indomitable spirits and iron wills for what they love and desire most in life - they are people who live life with passion.
It wouldn't be right of me not to share a few of them. Brenda Morris was one of my early adult mentors in faith. My mother's age, she had parented four children and seen one through both cancer and leukemia. She loved God with all her heart and never wavered, even in the face of incredible odds. She and her family surrounded me in a blanket of love and acceptance and her life encouraged me to strive on to go to and finish college when no one in my family had gone or expected me to go.

Mike Mandel was my mentor in confidence about my mental abilities. Growing up in rural Delaware, I was taught that as a woman, my looks were a greater asset than my brain. When I went to New York and then to Oxford to study at college, it was vital to escape the stereotypes to mentally survive. Mike Mandel showed me how to think on my own with confidence and courage. His own sacrifice, giving up a relationship with his family to become a Christian Jew, was one of the most fearless stories I had ever heard. Mike later became a pastor in New York State.

Jacob Miller taught me that great writers are not born, they are forged through pain and persistence into being. As my writing teacher, he made me read hundreds of great and sometimes obscure books and he revealed the many forms poetry can take before it becomes free. He also taught me that structure was not a cage - that it created more freedom than it denied. As a result, I am able to be a more disciplined writer and worker - I am able to be the consultant I am today.

Last, but certainly not least, is Deborah Gaines - whose sharp wit and gift of gab still makes me stop in awe to think of it. She taught me how to take charge, how to command respect instead of demanding it and how to speak up when I had something to say. She taught me that life was about more than work and that I could get through anything if I took it one day at a time and did the right thing in every moment I could.

That's the top of my list. Who believed in you when no one else would? Have you passed that gift on to those behind you on the path?